High school student Rachel Holdeman didn’t think she had expectations for her mission trip to the Dominican Republic. Then she got a stomach bug at Training Camp. She expected it to go away quickly, but she ended up spending the beginning of her trip in the DR resting, unable to join in ministry.

Rachel felt like a failure, like she’d let herself, her friends and family at home, her team, and God down.

Then, in her weakness and disappointment, she heard God speak.

I thought I had no expectations for my three week Ambassador trip to the Dominican Republic. All I wanted was to feel a part of the team, experience God, and have fun.

I wanted to believe that I was going into the trip totally dependent on God.

The truth was, I did have expectations—and a lot of them. I hoped I would have the time of my life, and I expected God to make the trip both amazing and flawless for me because I was unable to go last year.

I was so certain something life changing would happen during the trip.

But God had a different plan.

As soon as I arrived in Georgia for Training Camp, I was filled with anxiety, wondering: Will my team like me? Will I make friends? Will I embarrass myself a lot? Will I feel God’s presence?

I expected to arrive and instantly be the center of attention. I figured that because I talked to some of the girls online already, we would instantly click when we met in real life.

Instead, at times I felt distant from the other girls at times and it made me upset. I sat at the end of the table for almost every meal and didn’t usually talk. I expected to be paid attention to and thought someone might talk to me, but I was afraid to talk to most of the girls myself.

I was always thinking of what others thought about me. I worried why no one wanted to put their mattress by me at night. I wanted one thing, or I didn’t want another thing. And didn’t want to be pushed out of my comfort zone.                       

On the second morning of training camp, I felt ill. The sickness only progressed throughout the day and I ended up in the ER with my team leader. The experience was tough both physically and emotionally, as I had tests done and medicine prescribed, only to be told I had the stomach bug.

I expected to be better in a few days. But I was wrong. Then July 4th came—the day we left for the Dominican Republic. The medicine wasn’t working. I was weak, shaky, and struggling to keep a positive attitude.  

Why did I have to get sick right before I left for another country?

After long, tedious hours of checking in baggage, sitting in a wheelchair through the Miami airport and waiting in customs lines; my team finally made it to the Dominican Republic. We spent over an hour riding in a rocky shuttle up the  mountainside, before we arrived at the host home in Lajas de Yaroa, DR.           

I wasn’t even excited to be in the DR. I wanted to go home.    

For the first part of the trip, I was often stuck either in bed or on the house porch, unable to participate in almost anything. I had a lot of trouble eating, and my leaders and hosts were constantly checking on me.    

After over a week we realized I was just as sick as ever so I went to the doctor, who basically told us I had “flu-like symptoms” and I was given more medicine.                                                  

I felt miserable and worthless, because I could hear my teammates outside my dorm working on construction, while I laid sick inside in bed. I felt like a burden to my team.

I was angry at God because no matter how many times my teammates prayed for and over me, I was not truly getting any better. It even upset me how many people knew I was sick and how they would constantly ask me if I was okay.  

I was constantly relying on other people to help me with everything, and I automatically assumed my teammates were upset with me for not helping in all the work that they had to do.

In reality, I took my new friendships for granted.

What is the point of me being on this trip if I can’t participate? I wondered. I’m not even serving God, I’m not doing anything worthwhile. I am just in the way of my team. 

I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed going to off days or participating in team time, knowing I didn’t go on the prayer walk with everyone the day before. I felt rude not eating all my food at meals. I felt annoying when someone would ask me how I felt and I would have to be honest.  

One night, about two weeks into the trip during team time, my group filled out anonymous encouragement cards for each other. I received one that simply quoted Matthew 6:33:

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

The verse really stuck with me and I began to truly ponder what it meant. I prayed and journaled about it a lot, not sure why it stuck with me so much.

Until it hit me.

I realized I was seeking and focusing on my own desires and expectations for the trip instead of seeking God. I was focusing on my own worries and anxieties instead of looking to God in the midst of my disparity.

I began to realize that God had his own plan for my trip whether I had my own way I hoped things would go or not. It didn’t matter what I wanted to happen, because God already had it planned out.

And He had something to teach me.

I discovered that while I was frustrated about being sick most of the trip, I was letting the entire trip pass me by. I was missing out on the beauty, and I was missing out on God.

I began talking with God more and more. Worship slowly became my favorite part of the morning and evening, and I enjoyed reading my Bible and journaling more than I had before.               

I had a renewed energy from God to serve and felt joy as I participated more and more with my team. I discovered that I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me, realized that while sometimes I did feel disappointed if I didn’t always do the same physical work as everyone else, I still was able to help out.

I found that at VBS I was able to speak enough Spanish to hold conversations with a lot of the children, (speaking more Spanish and understanding more than I thought I would be able to) and help them with anything they needed.

God had so much to show me through everything that happened, I simply wasn’t listening to Him. Sometimes God uses the hard things to mold us to look more like Him or make us a brighter light for Him.

Now I try to speak Matthew 6:33 over myself whenever it comes to mind, and I remind myself that God has a plan in my trials.

I learned so much on my trip, even though the past few weeks were as far from what I expected them to be as possible. But in seeking God I found what He was trying to show me and no matter how things go, whether I see it coming or not, I have the opportunity to grow stronger in my faith and become a better person through Him.

I learned so much and discovered so many things. I am so grateful for my teammates, who showed me grace, kindness, love, and compassion every day. I was beyond blessed with my leaders. They not only lead our group amazingly, but they also encouraged me greatly in my life and walk with Christ. I was blessed to be a part of the group, the host home, and Adventures in Missions.

And I cannot wait to see where I go to serve the Lord next year!

*First photo by Kenzie Staich

We have an exciting announcement: All 2017 Ambassador trips are open!

If you are a high school student and want to go on a mission trip next summer, you could raft the Amazon Jungle to share the Gospel with local tribes, help run a camp in Albania, play with orphans in Africa, join a sports ministry in the Philippines, or adventure on a guys-only trip to Nepal.

CLICK HERE to read all the opportunities of how you (or a student you know!) can GO!