Ahh. Friday, the best day of the week. I get to hold my precious child, but it was so much more than just holding a parentless child; it was a time of joy and worship. As I cling to her, I could feel His arms around me, I could feel my own emotions disarming.
I walk into her room once again; she stares at me with wide-open eyes, but avoids any contact with me. It feels like a test of affection, one I have done many times in my 22 years. I just sit on the bed and wait for her, our eyes lock and they seem to finally brighten. I pick her up, and we go outside.
I sing and dance with her. Then it happened, her face almost always so straight, finally curved upward. A smile. She looked at me and smiled. An uncontainable peace and joy overwhelmed my heart. Our time slipped away and it was time to leave.
This was our hardest goodbye. I put her down, she chased me, she didn’t want to be separated, my heart ached, my stomach fell, but I had to leave. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and walked away listening to the sound of her cry. I was heartbroken, but I would see her again.
Finally, a week passed, time for me to see her!
I walked into that familiar room, looked around, heard the children, but didn’t see any. I had a weird feeling in my heart, but went outside, she wasn’t there. I left and went to the main area, heart pounding, I looked for her. Nowhere. My team was confused and asking me why I didn’t have her, “she’s gone.” It didn’t feel real, but it was.
Tears built up in my eyes. Heart raced. I listened to a conversation in Spanish about the whereabouts of this beautiful little girl. She was with her grandmother. Both her and her sister were taken there; we were assured it is a better place for her, and a place where she will definitely be loved.
My heart was confused; a flood of different emotions was flowing through me like electricity. I thought I was getting through, and making a difference, and now my time with her was over. But my heart felt a peace, over and over in my head, all I could think: Orphan no longer—beloved daughter.
I know the love I showed her was not a love of my own, but the love of Christ encompassing me while I held her. The lessons I learned from her will stay with me forever. To let people in, to let love affect me, to be forever changed by another person. She helped shatter my walls, and I know that she will forever long for that love I was able to show her, and some day, she will know it was the love of her Father. Both Rosie and I are orphans no longer, but beautiful and beloved daughters of the Creator.
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