Like I was informed yesterday, often times, people don’t realize they have kept these expectations locked in their subconscious until one becomes disappointed when those expectations come unmet.
All this to say, as I get ready to leave Training Camp, I have no disappointments whatsoever. Maybe that means I arrived anticipating nothing, but I learned a lot.
Before coming here, I truly felt suffocated when confronted with Christians that used words like, “rapture,” and “Believer,” and phrases like, “Jesus Christ is my bridegroom”. I was so uncomfortable, and admittedly still am about my lack of knowledge on the Bible. At my church, generally people don’t raise their hands in worship and silently, from a distance, I painted them with the label ‘Jesus Freaks’.
If I would describe how I felt, it might be out of my league. Yet some otherworldly influence continued to say to me, you need to be here. Just like it had been said to me at the very beginning of this adventure.
Now, sitting at my laptop typing this, hours before I leave another country and another world, I can confidently say I’m a Jesus freak, and I'm proud of it. My own relationship with God was solidified last night when I could literally feel the word of God come through me and speak to other people. It was the most incredible feeling and I will never forget the clarity of that moment.
It’s almost funny how God answered my question last night before I was even able or willing to voice it. I was questioning my reason for being here, at Training Camp. Why couldn’t I leave for Guatemala now? Maybe then, when I was there and physical helping the people who need it, I would see my worth and my purpose in God. He told me I needed to learn how to speak truth unabashedly and show the Spirit that moves in me unashamedly. Not to mention I needed to grow closer in my relationship to these wonderful girls I’ll be spending the next hundred days or so with.
It may sound crazy that such a dramatic change can take place in only three days, but I believe it now. I’ve recognized you can be ‘normal’ and a true Christian. I find so much comfort in praying now, just like I found that their is expression– not in me, but in God in dancing with my arms up in the air and feet stomping on the ground. I guess I’m saying that if I had any expectations, this Training Camp blew past them and I feel ready to serve God the best I can.
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