The stripping away of all that is known, all that is comfortable, all that I depend on except the Lord. Painful, tough, and draining – these are all words I would use to describe the process of this past week (training camp). But rewarding all the same. To know I can be completely satisfied in the Lord is truly exciting.
When leaving for my trip to Guatemala, I didn't realize we would first go through a week long training camp. I knew there was some sort of gathering before we left, but I didn't realize just how intense it would be. A week that has been dificult and tough. I believe that it is a process that has stripped me of my "flesh" and a lot of the junk I've carried with me, even if I didn't realize I was carrying it. Although it has been extremely tough and difficult, I believe it was essential to the growth and process God wants me to go through before leaving for Guatemala. I believe this process God has me on is one that in the end I will be able to say, with confidence, "all I need is You, God."
I believe the Lord is teaching me that even without many of the "fleshly" comforts and even without the relationships back home and the life I left behind, that He is still good and He is still faithful. As of now, our sleeping conditions are rough, food is very minimal and our showers are literally a garden hose. When I arrived I realized I had packed a lot less than most of the other people. I packed very basic clothes and some snacks. Whie at first I was nervous about this, I now think that God is going to continure to use this in the process of complete dependence on Him. When I have nothing that seems of value, that I will always have Him. He has proven Himself faithful and as my provider over and over again, and I stand firm in that promise as we begin our journey to Guatemala.
While being here the Lord has shown me many things, but one I will share with you is a new perspective on the story of the rich, young ruler. Always I have thought that the focus of this story was on money and selling everything. While I'm sure that is partly true, the Lord helped me see how this story relates to me. The title of the story is "The rich, young ruler." Even the title shows that the man's possessions and money were a defining factor for him. What defines me? That defining thing is what the Lord is asking me to lay down, and to really find and recieve life from him. Wow. How convicting. We definitely think of ourselves, especially missionaries, as people who have given up a lot. And while that is true, there are things we hold onto and don't want to let go of. Just like the the rich young ruler, the Lord is asking me to let go of those things. But not just so He can take things from me, but he wants to replace those things with Him and His gifts for you. (Luke 18:29-30)
I'm thankful for the process God is putting me through, and while it's hard, I know it'll be worth it when it's all over.
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