I’ve been homesick. I’ve been lonely. I’ve asked God why I’m here. I’ve been joyful. I’ve been completely numb. But nothing compares to saying goodbye. In two short months I have grown a love for Guatemalan people that I did not know was possible. A love I know only Christ could have blessed me with. I ache when they ache, I laugh when they laugh, I smile at one glimpse of their face. And yesterday I had to say goodbye to that. I had to give them one last hug. One last smile. And as I sat on the bus on the way to Antigua, I drove away from Puerto Barrios. Away from my tiendas, away from my little green house, away from long ministry days, away from crazy humidity, away from my bunk bed, away from my corn tortillas and ‘chocolate’ beans…As I fought back the tears I just prayed and asked God why. Why am I going back. What am I going back to. Why would you call me here for two months to break my heart for people I will probably never see again. And until this moment I couldn’t give you an answer except for the typical ‘home Is a mission field too’ or ‘every season of life holds different things…God shuts one door and opens another one’…which are all true things but none helped the aching in my heart, The brokenness I felt (I guess that shouldn’t be past tense since I’m sitting here listening to Guatemalan worship songs and crying). However, God is faithful in giving me a little message from him.
He brought me to the story in Mark 5 when Jesus healed a man possessed by demons. After the demons were cast out from the man he went to Jesus and begged to go with him but Jesus responded with this: “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you…” I ask God why I can’t stay here and he says it’s time to go share! It’s time to tell people a love like what you have is possible. A love that can’t fade or be forgotten. It’s time to share that when I say I can move mountains I’m being Literal. It’s time to remind people of true joy in Christ like you experienced in Guatemalan churches.
It’s hard to walk into a new season of life. Into a culture that feels so different now. Back into a fast paced life where most everybody speaks my language. I’m shocked. I’m Excited. I’m Broken. I’m Paralyzed. I’m Enticed. But God has told me where to go and only his voice I can follow. As I prepare myself to return to the states I can only continue to repeat Acts 20:24 over and over to ease my anxious heart: “ But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God”.
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