It’s amazing how much God works in our lives, day by day, week by week.  During my day so far in Cambodia I have noticed that God will put a theme or a person on my heart.  Last week, the week of June 24th, God took something from our team. Now I can see that it is a blessing in disguise, but two weeks ago it broke my heart.  The children that we have gotten so close with unexpectedly went home to families we had no idea they had, or moved in with other relatives.  Within three days seven out of nine children left without saying goodbye.  When someone leaves in America goodbyes are expected, but that was not the case here.  I sadly was not shaken up about the kids leaving until I found out the girl I adore, Che Oun, left with her older sister. My face stayed in a position of shock, and later that night I selfishly cried for myself.  What was I going to do without having Che Oun there? I would never hear the precious voice tell me she loves me, or try and pronounce Emily. However instantly that night I prayed to see the positive out of this sad situation. God spoke and said that “the children were here for half of the time to help our team feel comfortable and begin those relationships with the women. However we were giving only half of our time to the women and the children were becoming a distraction and a safe place for me to rest in.” I personally did not want a crutch to walk although it was very hard to part with. God is continuing to strengthen the relationships and trust between the women and our team.
                This next part I’m about to type took me quit some time to accept that I need to write. Here goes! Our team leader last week took me aside after dinner and asked me more in depth about my relationship with my dad and how I am doing with the process of forgiveness. At training camp I surrendered my desires concerning the past and wanted only what God wanted.  To be honest, I forgot about that surrender hike and forgiveness until Brittany mentioned it during our talk. This is a subject that I have been avoiding, or maybe the best word is just not remembering. But recently I have realized that God will not let me forget. This past Monday night Ansley spoke about forgiveness and shared some of her story. Throughout the next twenty minutes my eyes were fixated on her and the truth that God breathed into her. It is a topic I have always known, but now it’s different because forgiveness is a process and in other circumstances it was instant. Within the past year I haven’t been dealing with this and essentially forgetting about it. So when I began to prepare for this trip id did not cross my mind that God would bring forgiveness to my attention. I’m glad he has because I am ready to have this weight lifted off my shoulders and feel that freedom Christ has in store for me. I know this is going to be a difficult road to take, but it has begun with me trying to daily pray for my father and for a heart change in myself, and also by writing this blog. I am simply following Christ and trying to be as obedient as possible.
                The theme I believe so far represents the women is serving. Their ability to serve us with genuine, joyful hearts astonishes me and makes me want to improve that in my own life. God has definitely been faithful and provided opportunities for myself and our team to serve the women. This week our leader put us in groups to help cook lunch each day and to clean dishes after each meal. Surprisingly I loved cleaning, which is unlike me. But through being served these past four week, I begin to become excited of ways to serve when I return home, and ways to serve my roommate at college. Serving and showing my love has always been difficult to do, but it is something I choose to improve. Whether it's through writing notes and leaving them on window seals of trucks, or cleaning the house, or cooking dinner. I will improve the way I serve others and make it intentional.