Deepest part of the ocean

One of the things that I have learned sense I have been here in Guatemala is how much I need to trust God.

Now, that is something that God showed me a while ago. He taught me that it doesn't matter my circumstance and it definitely doesn't matter if I am comfortable. But trust in him with EVERYTHING!

 

That's easier said then done.. so that's what I did. I would say that I trust in The Lord and not actually 'trust in him with everything.'  There was nothing testing my faith though. I was very comfortable and kept myself floating on the top of the water where I could be gently rocked back and forth by the waves. Maybe swim to a new place now and again but the surface is the safest so the surface I would stay.

 

I can honestly say I didn't know I wasn't trusting God, and that surrendering everything to him was something I need to pray into every single day.

 

God showed me that once I get comfortable trust falling into his arms he changed things up. Whether he is changing his appearance so I think he can't catch me or have me fall from a roof top. Whatever it is he does it for my good so I can grow in trusting him more.

 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, for those who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

 

I would say all of the ministry and things that we are doing here has made me realize how little I know myself. My team has challenged me to go deeper and deeper. And the fact that I want to invest 110% of myself into the people and relationships we come across. Especially because I only have one more month to do so.  

 

But because I have not completely trusted God with my heart its hard to trust others with it. There is that fear that I could get broken.

 

But the thing is, is that it doesn't matter if my heart brakes because the healer and creator of everything calls me 'Daughter.'

 

Right now, I think Christ wants me to fall off of a cliff. And he is not going to catch me. But he wants me to trust that ill be ok. I'll fall into the deep, unsearched waters, underneath the surface that is my heart.

 

The walls will all fall down around me and I will not come back up where it is comfortable. But stay under the water where I will learn more about myself, and in that more about God.

 

Its alright to explore why I feel the way I feel and why I love the way I love and why I think the way I think. And why I trust the way I trust.

 

God spoke through my teammate Sarah and said, "do not be afraid to learn more about yourself because your afraid of what you will find."

 

 I mean, what kind of garbage has piled up on the bottom of the ocean after all these years?  

 

But don't be afraid of it. It has all been redeemed in Jesus Christ!

 

I am not the same person as who I was. That garbage that I am afraid to find does not belong to me anymore, it is not my identity. My identity is in Jesus and He has bought it with a price.

 

So why have I been afraid to see the things that have made me who I am today? The things that God, My Father has used for my good.

 

 The question is not "what kind of garbage will I find?" its what kind of demands, purls and rubies will I find?"

 

Fear comes from distrust. And if we are trusting in the Lord then we should be excited to explore the Deepest part of the ocean.