Two Copper Coins

     It was a Sunday evening and I was giving a sermon. I knew God wanted me to speak something specific, He wanted to speak through me. The only problem was that I didn't know what He wanted to say. Throughout the day I had been conversing with God, He would give me bits and pieces, but none of it really made sense in my head. All I knew is that they were God's words.
     God wanted to make sure I felt His presence all day in order to prepare me for this. It started at seven in the 
morning when I had my own worship session, it was at that time God put the fire in me, and that fire had been burning more fierce than usual all day. The entire day was a type of 'spiritual high' (I like to call it High on Jesus).
     All He was doing was building my faith so strong that I didn't have to worry about having preparation for my sermon. As I was standing up there, ready to start my sermon, I was still unsure of what was to be said, only full of faith. Long story short, God spoke through me and it was an experience I'll always remember.
     God clearly provided in that situation, He always does, but that's not what I want to talk about right now. I want to talk about the day after. The day after is what I like to call a 'spiritual hangover.' I felt so emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained. God used me in a strong way, He made me feel like I had so much to give. I felt like I had so much to give because God was pouring so much into me. All I want, all we strive for as followers of Christ, is to be in God's presence. It was so powerful and draining for me to feel like I was in the presence of God for such an elongated amount of time.
     Then the next day came along, and I felt like I had less to give. Therefore, giving myself a right to think that God couldn't use me. I felt like I barely had anything left in me, so I just wanted to hang on to what I had left. I had very little faith that God was going to pour back into me.
     The funny thing about that is the fact that during my sermon I gave an analogy of what faith really is. Faith is creating a space in front of us for a Promise to land (courtesy of Eric Weaver). When we try and hang on to things God gives us (love, grace, mercy, freedom, redemption, etc), we don't leave space for the Promise. The Promise He gave us for eternity with Him, as long as we have faith. When we start hanging on to things, we lose sight of the Promise. God's love is constantly raining down on me, so why hold on to it? God's freedom, grace and redemption are always upon me! So why do I need to hang on them? Because I have little faith in the Promise. I was scared God wasn't going to pour back into me.
     When I feel like I have nothing to give, I need to remember the poor widow who gave all she had (Mark 12:41-44). All she had to give to the temple were two copper coins. That was everything Jesus wanted.
     When all I have are two copper coins, will I hold on to them? Will I hold on to them in the fear of not getting anything back? Or will I give all I have to my Lord and Savior who chose to die for me!? Will I give it up in faith that God's love is always raining down on me!? Always filling me back up.