God has given me inexplicable joy after a few really hard weeks. I kept asking him to fill me with joy and I kept getting frustrated that he wasn't. What I realize now that I could not see before, is that he had to make room for his Joy to fill me up. Making room was painful. But it was ever so necessary. I hadn't realized that by looking to other things to assure my value, my beauty, and parts of my identity, I wasn't allowing God to have space to work in my life completely. I wanted Gods blessings over me, but I hadn't allowed him to actually have his way completely with me.
The hold I wanted over my own life and the control I wanted was only hindering myself. God wanted to give me so much peace, hope and a future with him but he was waiting for me to say yes to surrender and actually mean it. Someone told me God is a gentleman; he waits until we give him permission to work. I finally threw my hands up and said I can't do this anymore. I literally can not fix what is going on right now. Once I finally got to a place of complete helplessness, God came to the rescue. I see now that I had to get to that point for God to show me how he works. God is walking me through a remodeling process and I am discovering the freedom he has for me as I relinquish control of my life to him !
Participant Login
Donor Login