I must admit, this past week has seemed to go by rather slow. I kind of expected to jump straight into ministry once we arrived, or at least be in intensive ministry training. However, until our prayer walk Thursday morning, and our scavenger hunt today, our team didn’t really leave Casa Verde except for morning runs up the street.
Yet, as always, God has a reason for everything, and this “slowness” was much needed for me.
You see, I have a prideful heart. Actually, that’s an understatement. I have a VERY prideful and VERY judgemental heart. I am so ready to call other people out, especially people in the bible (like REALLY can they NOT get it right? How can they be so blind/slow/stubborn/etc), but have a very hard time seeing past the oak tree in my own eye. Jesus would have gone to town on me if I was alive in his day. Oh wait, he’s alive in me and that’s exactly what he did.
You see, God has used this time to show me that I have a Jonah heart. And before you say, oh that’s great! He experienced repentance and finally followed God, let me give you a crash course in Jonah’s story. God calls Jonah to Ninevah –> Jonah refuses –>Jonah brings terror and havoc on unknowing sailors –>Jonah is swallowed by big fish –> Jonah FINALLY goes to Ninevah –> Jonah is UPSET that God relents and forgives Ninevah –> Jonah pouts under a plant –> Jonah’s heart NEVER changes.
How does this apply to me? God called me to Agnes Scott (The college I attend in Decatur, GA) for a reason. That reason was NOT to get a good education. It was to show his love to the girls there, to tell them their need for a savior, and to spread his truth about our sin, God’s holiness and consequent wrath because of sin, and his gracious redemption. Yet I have wasted the last TWO years at Agnes running from God’s calling and the possibility of being uncomfortable.
Fast forward to this mission trip. I came into this SO prideful. I thought I was so great going on a three month mission trip and that God was going to do all these great things in me because I was such a mature believer. I even had the AUDACITY to be frustrated that there didn’t seem to be much spiritual focus and depth in my team. So you know what God did? He gave me a glimpse into why I was really here. Just as Jonah was bringing the storm and disaster with him onto that ship, my pride and intentional disobedience has brought disaster to Agnes. I have so impeded God’s work there that he had to REMOVE me from the situation. Just as Jonah had to be thrown overboard to save the sailors, I had to be taken out of Agnes so that God could move. Talk about a GUT check. Talk about going from hero to zero in a fraction of a second. Actually, less than zero because I am a complete HINDRENCE. Wow. I am here not because I am amazing or mature, but because I’m disobedient, selfish, and God needed to give me a serious wake up call.
Thank the Lord that he is mighty to save and that he can redeem every situation. Thank the Lord that he has woken me up to this the FIRST week instead of the LAST week so that I can seek him for change. I don’t want to be a Jonah anymore. I don’t want to be a hindrance to my team here. While I can’t take back the wasted time at Agnes, I know my God is powerful to move and that he is going to do amazing things with me gone this semester. I also know that even though I don’t deserve it, his love is ravishing and he is going to work through me here in Guatemala. Notice, HE is going to work THROUGH me. It won’t be anything I do. I am so thankful that not only am I blessed with God’s forgiveness, I have also been blessed with a wonderful team of women with whom I can be totally transparent. Not only that, but they forgive me and walk along side me. They are willing and stand ready to call me out on my pride, my selfishness, and my disobedience.
Am I spiritually mature? Not at all. Is there a lack of spiritual depth in my family here? Not even close. Do I have a lot to learn from these wonderful women of God? You better believe it.
And Lord, I am ready.
(How great to have a team that WON'T throw me over. Because that's what I deserve)
(THIS is my beautiful family. Taylor, Jill, Morgan, Belle, me, and Ashlynn. They are love, joy, grace, peace, mercy, humility….true followers of Christ. And I wan't to be more like them)
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